Our Adoption Journey

Hope

2009-06-26T10:26:00.002-04:00

Nevermind...we just can't give up yet. We still would like another child in the future when things settle down and we feel as if adoption is the right choice. So many children need families!!! It just may be a matter of time, years probably.

Yuck.

2009-04-25T13:10:00.002-04:00

Things aren't looking up over here. I don't want to sound like I am whining because I have a healthy, happy family. We are just going through a tough time. Bob is working fewer hours every week. Last week I think he worked a half day.
Of course we still want to adopt. But if it isn't meant to be then I guess we just need to move on instead of feeling sad about it all the time. Things could still turn around and a few years from now adoption could be a reality.
I just wanted to say that I appreciate all of the support. The money that was donated is still sitting in an account (minus the paypal fees) and we are going to work on returning it to those of you who donated so generously. We appreciate all of you who obviously got just as excited about this as we did!

We Wait

2009-03-20T13:17:00.002-04:00

It has been so long since I have written. Mostly because things are rather discouraging in terms of finances and the adoption plans. We did get accepted by an adoption agency, which is great.
For awhile I was so excited about the idea of adoption that I feel like I wasn't being very realistic with the time frame. We obviously want to know we can afford to care for another child before we bring one home. Bob has had his hours cut and is working about half what he used to. At this point it is looking like a number of years before we would be able to add someone to our family. This is a bit disappointing. On the other hand, we were planning to adopt an older child and our children are still 3 and 1.5 years which would allow us to keep all the kids close in age. It is also harder to place older children, so maybe waiting is for the best. My big fear is that someone is sitting out there without their needs being met, waiting for us. After all, here we "worry" about not being able to afford luxuries, and in other places people aren't able to afford to eat.
Part of me wonders if our adoption will ever happen. I really, really hope so.
Just thought I would keep those of you wondering up to date.
Thanks for caring!

Help Feed Orphans in Ghana

2009-01-11T21:55:00.005-05:00

Our Uncle Odee died today after a tough battle with leukemia.
I also noticed a blog today with a request for donations to feed orphans in Ghana that currently don't have enough to eat and aren't getting clean water. We made a small donation in memory of Uncle Odee.
If you wish to help this cause please visit this blog and follow the link. When donating choose "other" and then type "Ghana feeding project" for the description.

((Ghana Music)) Ofori Amponsah- ♫Lady [HighLife]

2009-01-09T15:04:00.001-05:00

The more I learn about Ghana the more I like it. Even the music appeals to me, which is great because it will be fun to make it part of our music collection. Some parts of this video has scantily clad ladies so if that type of thing offends you, you could just listen and shut your eyes. :)

Getting Serious

2008-12-30T08:56:00.003-05:00

This week we are finishing up our initial application to Adoption Advocates. We have been told that our application doesn't "expire" with them. Some agencies charge you to renew your application if you don't take action within a certain amount of time. We liked this because we aren't exactly sure when we will be starting our home study, etc.
I am feeling good about where we live. We have a smaller home but it is cozy. We have one bathroom but it forces us to be aware of each other. We were given a used kitchen table this week so we are now able to eat together comfortably and I can envision a place for another place mat. We only have 3 bedrooms but from what I have read adopted children who have lived in orphanages sleep easier with others nearby. If we are still living in the little blue house when our new child comes home we will be fine.
Bob had a vasectomy last week and is doing well. It was only mildly upsetting to realize we won't ever have anymore biological children. We feel that adoption is just as special and we look forward to the adventure of it all. I wonder what it will teach us about love that we don't already know.

Complicated

2008-12-09T15:52:00.002-05:00

This is an article that has been circulating about international adoption that many adoptive parents say they find hard to read. I can attest to the fact that when we first started thinking about adoption the idea of "saving a child" was very appealing. The truth is that not all children are orphans because both parents are dead. It will be important for me to know that when we adopt a child it will be because that child really needs us. I would want to know that the money we are spending to bring that child home wouldn't have been better invested by giving it to a loving family so that they could raise their child by themselves. Basically, I learned from this article that not all adoptions are ethical and it is up to adoptive parents to ask tough questions.
Right now there are certain agencies that are standing out to me because of their stance on making sure they are finding a family for an child instead of an child for a family. These are agencies that seem more concerned about all involved and less worried about how much money they might make.
There is plenty more I could say about all this but I will save it for a future post. I am aware I have much more to learn! I appreciate reading discussions on forums about issues like this before we adopt, rather than after.

Still Searching

2008-12-02T14:28:00.002-05:00

We feel as if we are being steered away from Haiti. I really hate being told, "No" when I get my heart set on something. We weren't meeting a few requirements and the Haiti process has been moving so slowly that some agencies have stopped accepting new applications. I'm not going to lie, I am dissapointed.
This past week we have been looking at some of the countries in Africa that are open to international adoption. I have been doing a lot of reading about Ghana. Ethiopia is also a possibility. Liberia is not because once again, the age requirement is 30.
I feel as if not being old enough to adopt in some countries is a blessing in disguise. It narrows down the options and makes this a little less overwhelming.
I wasn't even getting phone calls or e-mails returned when inquiring about Haiti. The response for the African countries has been much better.

Marriage/Age Requirements

2008-11-18T13:52:00.000-05:00

Today I received a call from BCS after our preliminary application was accepted. The caseworker told me that within the past few weeks Haiti has changed their adoption requirements to only accept those parents who are over 30 years old and have been married for 7 or more years. We are going to be 29 at the beginning of next year and will have been married 5 years this coming May.
Obviously I am extremely drawn to Haiti. The question is whether to wait, or to pursue adoption from a country with younger age/marriage requirements.
I am waiting for a call from another adoption agency (Adoption Associates) to discuss how long we would have to wait before starting the paperwork for a Haiti adoption. My guess would be that we wouldn't be able to start until over a year from now. We may consider adopting a 3-5 year old if we start later so that all of our kids would be close in age.
An average Haiti adoption takes 18-30 months from start to finish. So we are looking at 3 or 4 years from now if we start the process next year.

We Are Adopting!

2008-11-17T12:51:00.000-05:00

Bob and I always mentioned half-heartedly that if we had a third child, we would consider adoption. Now that Vera is almost 3 and Finn is 16 months we started thinking about what we wanted for our family. Curiosity about adoption lead to research. My first instinct was to look at adoption from the Dominican Republic since I lived there from 1997-1998 at the age of 17 and I have such strong emotions tied there. It turns out you are required to stay in the D.R. for 60 days in order to adopt. This just isn't a possibility for us with two kids already. The next (obvious?) choice was Haiti which shares the island of Hispaniola with the D.R.

10 years ago I saw the Haitian border with my own eyes, but it was too dangerous at that time to cross over. I get chills recalling this scene that never left my memory, sitting in that hot van with 8 other sweaty girls and a couple of staff. Maybe that moment existed so that I would remember Haiti when I came to this crossroad in my life--our family's life.

A few weeks ago I opened up a web page and saw orphans looking back at me. I just crumbled. I am not a crier and I am not unaware of the poverty in our world but I wept silently and realized this was now a calling. When I told Bob I expected him to point out all the financial reasons we shouldn't adopt. It was mentioned, but it wasn't a roadblock. Bob's heartstrings must be attached to mine because we signed up to attend an adoption meeting given by Bethany Christian Services the following week.

At the end of that meeting a few adoptive parents came forward to talk about their adoptions. The entire time our eyes were glued to the 2 year old Haitian boy sitting up in front of that room. Was it a coincidence that Haiti was represented that night? My cynical side would say, "Yes." But my recently softened heart said, "No." When I looked over at Bob at one point that night I knew from his expression that he was thinking exactly what I was thinking: We are adopting our next child.

Still, I worried what other people would think. When we shared our new dream with a handful of people not one person cited the size of our home or the failing economy. I didn't see an ounce of uncertainty in their eyes. We are already being supported and I know that the rest of our loving friends and family will support us too.

This will be a long journey. Adoptive families state that the process takes an average of 18-30 months. Laws in Haiti change overnight with no warning. It is complicated and mainly in the hands of the government. We don't know which child will be chosen for us. But I do have faith that God will be the one doing the choosing.

I don't speak of God or my beliefs often. I am not gifted at putting my faith into words. I will never forget a comment made by someone many years ago in the midst of my rebellious years. I had just stubbornly refused to pray out loud at the dinner table without stating my reason. This person said to me, "Bethany, you have an awful lot of fruits of the spirit for claiming you are not a Christian."

I now know that even when your mouth refuses to open, your heart is still visible.

We don't mention adoption half-heartedly anymore. We are inspired, determined, excited and hopeful.